just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
They are going to name an STD after you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
