just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Randomize
