OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
Randomize
