Im at strip club and am horny
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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