As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
