people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
