So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
he thought i was a dude.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
