wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
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