why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
