That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
