What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
