Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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