don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
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