P.S. I can't hear my feet
You kept calling me your small dog last night.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
