I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
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