Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
