I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
