Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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