East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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