If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
