I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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