dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
