Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize
