Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
