i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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