booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
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