I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
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