But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
