you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
Randomize