You're so nebulous sometimes
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
