dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Someone shattered a urinal.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
me + whiskey = a bad person
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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