I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Randomize
