The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I deserve this hangover.
Randomize
