I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
