The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
