I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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