i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
