DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
