I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize