i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize