My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
