You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
