Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
