It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
