i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
