no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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