please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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