Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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