Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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