Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?