In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!