Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
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today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
These 27 Infuriatingly Annoying Habits Will Ruin Your Day
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....