and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit