what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.