i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
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I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
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You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
My liver just had a heart attack.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.