MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
29 Of The Most Hilarious And Embarrassing Walks Of Shame Ever
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
These 23 Dudes Get Giddy From Dem Titties
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.