Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just gift wrapped bread.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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