So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
