Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
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