k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
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