Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I wish you could order shots online.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
