That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
