Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
