Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
