Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
it glows. i had to have it.
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
