If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
