I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Randomize
