I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He texted "fuck you" before blocking me on all social media. Come to think of it, that's also the last thing my mother said to me. Could it be that I'm the problem?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
