I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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