So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
The only thing worse than cracking my rib on a slip and slide was having the doctors laugh when they found out in my medical history that I did this exact same thing last summer.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
