went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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