And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
