For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
