If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
