You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
