Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
Randomize
